Where to Find the Most Powerful Examples for Your Turnarounds

Not All Turnaround Examples Are Equal

If they feel superficial, then they are superficial for you. It’s time to look deeper for your answers.

Finding genuine examples for the turnarounds is an essential part of doing The Work of Byron Katie. If you don’t find meaningful examples for your turnarounds, you generally stay stuck in the original belief.

For example, say you’re working the thought, “She is being manipulative.” The situation is that she invited you to do something, you said no, but she does not accept your no. She is trying to use guilt to get you to come.

Let’s assume that this is a real situation for you.

Here’s the Turnaround to the Opposite

The turnaround to the opposite would be, “She is not being manipulative.” We need to find three examples of how that could be true.

The easy way is to think of other times when she is not manipulative. In fact, it may be quite easy to see that most of the time she is not manipulative.

This somewhat helpful, but it doesn’t really neutralize the fact that she is being manipulative in this situation.

There’s A Place to Look for More Powerful Examples

The most powerful examples of the turnaround, “She is not manipulative,” will probably be found in the very situation where you see her as being manipulative. If you can find them there, the stressful thought may become balanced by its opposite and simply let you go.

Let’s Take a Look

How could she not be manipulative in this very situation where she trying to guilt you into coming when you don’t want to? It seems impossible. But this is not the time to give up.

Ask the question and wait. How could she be non-manipulative even when she appears to be manipulating you? What else could be going on? Is there another side to the story?

Maybe she just really wants you to come with her. Maybe she is not using guilt to persuade you. Maybe it’s more innocent than that. Maybe she just likes being with you.

She may be persistent, but are you sure she is using guilt? Are you sure she is being manipulative? Could it be your mind interpreting it it that way? What motive do you have running that would like to see her that way? Who knows. Are you really sure you know her mind?

Even if She Is Being Manipulative, To What Degree Is she Doing It?

Maybe you just can’t find where she is not being manipulative. Can you find where she is not being as manipulative as she could be? Can you put it in perspective that way?

What percent is manipulation and what percent is enthusiasm? Your mind would love to believe it’s all manipulation. But when you look, you may find that it’s only 10% manipulation and 90% enthusiasm.

Ninety percent is a pretty good report card in most schools.

This is Where The Examples of the Turnarounds Start to Shift Your Perspective

It happens when you stay focused on the situation.

If you can find the exact opposite of what you believed in the very place where you believed it, the whole view of the situation opens up.

This is the power of The Work. You can always find examples outside of the situation, but the most powerful ones generally come from within the situation itself.

If you want to practice looking for examples this way, I recommend an individual session with me by phone.

Have a great weekend,
Todd

“The point is not to find the most turnarounds, but to find the ones that set you free from the nightmare you’re innocently attached to. Turn the original statement around any way you want until you find the turnarounds that penetrate the deepest.” — Byron Katie, Loving What Is p. 96.

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