The Power of Finding Turnaround Examples within the Situation

Finding Turnaround Examples Is an Art

When you look for turnaround examples, you’re looking for evidence to support the turnaround. Without evidence, the turnaround is just words. It has no weight. Examples are what ground a turnaround to earth.

But Not All Turnaround Examples Are Created Equal

First of all, a turnaround example has to be genuine for the person doing The Work (me). I can’t fake turnaround examples because I can never fully buy my own fake. This includes using spiritual ideas, or even Byron Katie’s examples, if they are not fully rooted in my own experience.

Secondly, turnaround examples have to be on point. If the turnaround examples wander into a completely different topic, they may not have much power as examples for this turnaround.

Finally, turnaround examples tend to be most powerful for me when they are found within the original stressful situation.

Here’s An Example

This is from a participant in The Work 101. With his permission, I share it with you. It is a really clear example of the difference between looking for examples outside of the situation and looking for examples within the situation.

His situation: his son texted saying that he had lost the family’s PS4 (PlayStation 4) in a “deal.” He wanted him to call the other person’s father to get it back.

He wrote a whole worksheet on this situation. Here, we just zoom in on one statement from Line 5: “He is self-centered.”

Here Is the Turnaround to the Opposite

“He is self-centered” becomes “He is not self-centered.” And here are the examples he found for this turnaround:

1. He is very sensitive to what is going on around him and to any sense of conflict between others or himself and others.
2. He tries to be fair.
3. He likes to help other people out.

These are all genuine examples of the turnaround, “He is not self-centered,” and they help provide some balance. But all of these examples are from outside of the situation, and are somewhat general.

Here’s what he came up with when he looked for examples within the situation:

1. He was and is very concerned about getting the PS4 back and the negative impact not having it has on us (actually more concerned than we are about this).
2. He appears to have tried hard to get it returned.
3. He was and is sorry about the impact on us.

These examples are much more specific and are more connected to this particular situation. Notice how these examples really paint a clear picture of how he is not self-centered even in that situation.

In fact, you could even get closer to the situation. For example, how is he not self-centered in the moment when he sent the text? (He was selflessly exposing his mistake.) Or how was he not self-centered in the moment when he took the PS4? (Maybe he thought he wouldn’t lose it.)

Just looking looking for examples within the situation can be a powerful exercise.

Here’s the Turnaround to the Self

The original statement, “He is self-centered” becomes “I am self-centered” when turned around to the self. Here are the examples he found:

1. I often “cannot see the forest for the trees” as I am caught up in my story (perceptions, feelings, problems, etc.).
2. When stressed or being criticized I often feel like everyone is against me.
3. I am often very preoccupied and missing out on what is going on with other people.

These are all genuine examples of the turnaround, “I am self-centered,” and they provide balance too. But again, all of these examples are from outside of the situation, and are somewhat general.

Here’s what he came up with when he looked for examples within the situation:

1. I was very concerned about having to deal with this issue and quite put off by having to do so.
2. I was not sensitive to his distress.
3. I tried to ignore and not deal with the situation any more than I had to.

These examples are much more specific and are grounded in the original situation. Because of this, they tend to balance the perspective even more powerfully than the first three examples.

Try It Out Yourself

Try looking for examples outside of the situation and within the situation as you do your work. Which ones land most powerfully for you?

I usually start by looking for examples within the situation. If I can’t find any examples within the situation, I move out from the situation and look there. Sometimes, I find some very powerful examples outside of the situation. So it can be worth exploring both.

Have a great weekend,
Todd

“Be willing to go inside with each turnaround you discover, and experience where or how it’s as true as or truer than the original statement. How does it apply to you in your life? Own it. If that seems difficult for you, add the word “sometimes” to the turnaround. Can you own that it’s true sometimes, even if only in the moment that you are thinking that it’s true about the other?” Byron Katie, Loving What Is